Post by Badger on Aug 22, 2007 11:52:02 GMT -5
The Adventures of Piper the Peon
Chapter v - The storm starts to rain
"pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie....hey what r u doing with that speer.....ARRRGH!" -Unknown }EW{ Member's Last Words
The seven soldiers stood facing off Vickvire’s men. Vick continued to shake his organs feeling like a pile of fruit cubes within a jelly….wibbling and wobbling….
The leader of the group glanced at Vickvire’s group as if trying to choose which monkey to capture, make his pet and name George. He fixed his gaze on Vickvire.
“No,”
There was a long uncomfortable pause until Vickvire asked,
“What?”
“You’re the ones with the big ideas of starting some new clan eh? You don’t look like much.”
“You think you six can take us on?” Vickvire asked filling will confidence he knew would leak from him like air from some kind of inflatable couch.
“Seven,” The Leader replied.
Vickvire counted heads again and said, “Six,”
The Leader glanced along his ranks and asked,
“Where’s Damn-a-Dang?”
The only soldier standing next to him leaned up to his ear and whispered,
“Remember the time difference, sir?”
“Oh yeah,” The Leader sighed. He gestured down the path that they came along and said, “Damn-a-Dang will be down there somewhere. He’s from Ailartsua, the land of the future. After he came here though he moves really slowly...like those guys in The Matrix. He’ll catch up in about half a day.”
Vickvire glanced down the cobbled path lined with trees and saw a small figure about a kilometre away moving as if he was running away from some kind of explosion in a movie. “You still want to take us on?”
“You bet. I’m Jak,” He said, “This is my clan. Goody, Splarge, Nilok, Weezy (he’s not a relative of the seven Dwarves), and Nick. Is the arena free?”
“As free as my schedule!” Vickvire replied and stood aside gesturing Jak’s crew through the gate.
Jak nodded and said, “Goody stay here and tell Damn-a-Dang. Everyone else, let’s roll.”
One of Jak’s men, a taller one with dark hair nodded and stayed outside as the others walked into the arena.
Goody looked at the figure in the distance. He was barely moving.
“Come on…..” Goody whispered to himself.
He stood watching for almost five minutes waiting.
“Stuff this, I’m getting lunch,”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
At the same time in the arena, the Erotic Wookies were not faring well. They were doing two on two match duels, so far the score was 4:2 in Jak’s favour.
The next match came up. It was Vick and Strange taking on Jak and Colin. They didn’t stand a chance and Vick knew it. But for some reason fate decided to hold off his arse crunching until another day.
Goody ran in shouting, “They got Damn-a-Dang!”
“Who did?” Jak asked as his crew gathered around Goody. Vick similarly gathered his and walked over to hear the reply.
“I don’t know. He saw them coming and tried to run but they managed to catch up by walking at a snail’s pace. They stabbed a pike through his chest, laughed, and then ran back into the woods! I didn’t run out there; I knew he’d be dead before I got there.”
“Actually with the time difference he’s gonna be in excruciating pain for about a day before he dies,” Splarge added. Everyone in the room stood silent for a moment and flinched in unison.
“Where was he when these people attacked?” Vick asked having a suspicion of what happened right of the mark.
“About a foot away from where he was when we talked,” Goody replied after thinking for a moment.
“He was in ~STICK~ territory. It must’ve been them,” Vick said.
“Who are these ~STICKS~?” Asked Jak.
“Our arch nemeses: the anti-Erotic Wookies. They should be called the Unsexy Ewoks!”
“Where are they?” Jak asked.
“I don’t know. But there’s no doubt that they’re too cowardly to show their faces. They’re probably hiding in the woods pleased that they could kill some slow Ailartsuaian.”
Just then a bust of trumpet notes rang out and a mass group of voices sung…..
"STICK commandos forever, STICK commandos are the best,
Honourable and noble we are, righteous and incorruptible,
Stab in the chest with a larger pike a dump the bodies of the rest,
Not only that but ain’t we just so cute and ado-ra-ble
Ohhh Ohhhhh Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
You gotta love us! We rock and sing with the skill of a non gamer! (Non gamer)
You want to be our friend, not annoy us and be our foe
Without STICK Commandos we think the world would be a lot lamer! (Lot lamer)
Without us you’d wanna stab yourself through the toe!
Whooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo
Whooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo
Da da doo doo da do da doo dad a da doo dooooo
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh STICK COMMANDOS! STICK COMMANDOS!"
“Wow…..if there’s a God, He loves irony,” Vick said as Jak’s crew ran out and saw the fanfare as the STICK troops marched in. All were dressed in their formal uniform with a half dozen musicians at the rear. The uniform looked good, worn by the masses of them, a dark grey uniform with matching hat along with the patented ~STICK~ Command Stick, one of the most feared weapons in the multiverse.
They lowered their instruments and the ~SITCKS~ caught their breath as their leader asked, “Well I think k'hat the song went well, didn’t it h'gang?”
“I have to say that it’s better without the half hour guitar, drum and bass solos all done by your sir,” said one brave member.
“Really? I thought we lost a lot with them…” Said the taller, bumpkinish, one.
“That’s Ickity Ick. ~STICK~ Commando’s leader.” Strange whispered to Jak.
They watched in silence as the commandos slowly walked into the German Wheat Lounge. Jak looked over the Vick and said,
“You hate those guys don’t you?”
“Well…..nothing that couldn’t be worked out over a cup of Juri Juice, but I’m happy to kill them anyway.”
“Good. We’re going in. Are the {Erotic Wookies} in or out?”
“Do Wookies get bald?” Vick shouted bravely.
“Do they?” Jak asked.
“I honestly don’t know, but now I’m gonna be up all night wondering.”
They all stared into space for a moment. Then they all sighed knowing how little sleep they were going to get as they walked forward into the bar to face their destiny.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ickity-Ick was sitting at a table along with his Lieutenants discussing some serious business.
“Are the new uniforms ordered? You know how much I loved them!”
“Yes sir….” One of them replied drearily.
“Oh splendid,”
“Sir….” one of them started as Jak’s crew and the Wookies walked in and headed directly towards their table. All thoughts of embroidery and décor fell from his mind. He knew when something was going to lead to a fight.
Jak didn’t waste time - he swept everything off Ickity Ick’s table and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. Then one of the most clichéd things in history happened.
Bar fight!
A ~STICK~ leapt at Jak but was intercepted by a chair thrown by Weezy. The two lieutenants were tackled by Nick and Goody in a second. Two ~STICKS~ ran towards Vick. He grabbed a wooden stool and threw it at them yelping in pain:
“Splinter! Splinter! Splinter!”
He then collapsed to the ground a writhing mess.
Strang picked up his slack and punched the other approaching STICK across the jaw flooring him instantly. ShOvEL leapt across the room, swearing, and attempting to catch someone as his dial up moved at it’s usual pace. K.A.L. again flew into a frenzy and he alone smashed three tables. He didn’t touch the STICKs, for he was that confused and angry. He just smashed the tables.
Jak’s competent crew continued the fight almost on even ground with the STICKs despite being outnumbered. However, all the }EW{ were already knocked out.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As the fight continued, Border Ickity-Ick saw that his team wasn't powerful enough to finish off the Erotic Wookies. He threw down some sort of smoke creating device. Just as the device hit the floor and started spreading the smoke, a gust of wind came through a hole in the wall and blew the smoke away.
"Umm... well..." said the stuttering ~STICK~ leader. "Oh yeah, let's h'unleash our secret weapon!"
"Sir, if we unleash it, it won't be secret anymore!" said a private standing behind Border Ickity Ick.
"You're right. Weel just h'unleash h'it h'anyways."
Very soon, a huge cyclops burst through a back wall and roared, making Vickvire fall back down just as he got up from the pain of removing the splinters.
"Ha! The }Erotic Wookies{ are just a club!" screamed Border Ickity Ick.
"We are not a club! We are a clan!" yelled Vickvire, who finally got to his feet, sucking on his thumb soon after.
"Yes you are." retorted Border Ickity Ick.
"No we aren't." said Vickvire.
"Yes you are."
"No we're not."
"Yes you are."
"No we aren't."
This went on for about ten minutes with everyone, from both sides, staring at them in complete silence. Even the cyclops was dumbfounded.
"Hey, isn't that Innpantry?" said rangeR. (rangeR was one of the }EW{ that Jak had brought.)
Vickvire looked at the cyclops and was astonished. It was indeed Innpantry! This time around he had a scar across his eye and he had some sort of weapon with a quiver on his back. He breathed heavily and he seemed to have lost all ability to speak, since he didn't even roar when he burst in.
Just as Vickvire was about to turn around to face Border Ickity-Ick again, a gunshot was heard and Vickvire felt a brush of air fly past is neck. A loud groan, followed by a tremendous thump, came soon after. Vickvire looked and saw Innpantry lying on the ground with a spear wound to his head, apparently lethal.
"Got him," said Sloughfoxy with a smirk. Vickvire turned to Sloughfoxy and stared at him.
"What? He was an enemy!" pleaded Sloughfoxy. "Don't put me in the dress again. Please!"
Vickvire continued to stare at Sloughfoxy, then began to speak. "That was... a great shot!" yelled Vickvire. "Amazing! Right between the eyes!"
"You... you're not mad? I just killed your friend." said Sloughfoxy, trying to get over his shock.
"I didn't really like him anyway," grinned Vickvire. "He was boring, stupid, and really slow. His voice sound really awkward for something that looks like that. Plus, his mom steals pens for a living. Probably a reason why he's so messed up."
Everyone had a quick laugh for no apparent reason. The STICK Commandos found it as the funniest thing ever and literally started to rofl. Vickvire motioned for his team to leave the bar and headed for the door.
"But this is our chance to strike! They're helpless!" yelled Jak, struggling to get free of K.A.L.'s iron pinkies.
"Don't worry Jak. I've set up a time bomb prior to our arrivial. It's set to explode 10 minutes from now." said Vickvire proudly.
"So you could of set it off while they were in here and we could have avoided all this?" said Jak with blatant anger in his voice.
"I could have, but it has to be voice activated and I don't have a teamspeak device. My mom says it'll slow me down so she didn't let me get it." explained Vickvire.
"But you're a grown man!" screamed Jak. "You can't honestly say your mom controls everything you buy!
Vickvire sat there with a blank look on his face. Another sad truth is that Vickvire's mom indeed does control everything he buys. Once outside of the bar, Vickvire's band of warriors ran to cover and watched the bar blow into oblivian. They started to celebrate and cheer. "Juri Juice for everyone!" they yelled. Vickvire had finally destroyed the ~STICK~ Commandos and killed Border Ickity-Ick... or so they thought. To the far right of them stood the ~STICKS~, guns ready and aimed right at Vickvire's group.
"Ummm, thou shouldst run!" shouted Vickvire, slipping back into his royal tounge. With beer and spitballs flying past them, the group ran for their lives. Vickvire was ahead of the group and suddenly disapeared. Once the group caught up, they saw a massive badger's hole. With no other option, they jumped in and fell...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Epilouge
At least they were out of the hole. However, Vickvire had to agree to merge }EW{ with the ~STICK~ Commandos to earn their freedom. Border had whole-heartedly agreed and was now giving them a brief introduction to "real clan life".
Border started. "Weel, folks, I w'hant to introduce h'everyone to h'everyone h'else. I'm Border Ickity-Ick, and I founded this here clan back in 1967. I've been the leader of h'it since then. Well there h'aint much to say, 'cept that h'its a good clan and that you'll gain a lot of prestige and honor being in this clan. You know that prestige and honor is some of the best stuff in the wharld? h'it is."
"Fox." The British-sounding ~STICK~ raised his hand.
"Y'hes, Fox?" Border said with a voice that would've have charmed newly-born rats out of their nests.
"Permission to use the restroo-?"
"Permission denied." Border cut in crossly and continued his speech. "Now wher whuz h'I. h'O yes. Folks, I think that we should have more practices. Seven three-hour practices just won't cut the-"
"Fox." Said Fox again, trying to get the attention of the Grand Lord.
"Dangity-Gosh Fox! What the heel do you want now!?!?"
"Sir! I think that Dork Imaginary is dead!"
"What the heel!?!?"
Sure enough, Dork Imagery was dead.
Rodgay, who was a doctor, examined the body. After about 5 minutes, (in which Border had struck up his speach again), Rodgay spoke.
"Sir! This lady has died of boredom!"
Border looked unconcerned. "I don't care whut she died of, we have to get this dangity-darned meeting h'over with! Now where were we...ah yes...practice times..."
Boredom swept over the group like plagues in Biblical times. It started to rain, but Border went on and on and on and on. Desperation started to settle among the }EW{. Lange was over in a corner, cutting himself. Tex was saying something about "all or nothing" while he suffocated himself by plugging his ears and holding his breath. Shadow was cramming pie down his throat as fast as he could, and he soon collapsed. Vickvire's worm came out of his stomach, causing instant death. Damn-a-Dang lagged so much that his limbs came apart, and Goodman ate a Socrates book. K.A.L. stuck himself with a wooden spatula and gasped, "I hope this pleases you, Lord Colbert." Piper clutched his side. Pangs of boredom flashed through his body. It was over. The damage had been dealt. His eyes fluttered briefly and then his pulse went dead. Eventually, it was just Border talking to himself.
"h'and boys, that's why we always update our Spie-Ware. Any questions? Good." He continued on, utterly oblivious to the hundreds of dead bodies around him.
Epilouge's epilouge
The old man looked up and re-adjusted his spectacles. He looked at his grandchildren - they were both sleeping peacefully. He whispered quietly, "Yes children, and that's the tale of our great-great-great-great grandfather, Piper the Peon.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The End
Chapter v - The storm starts to rain
"pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie pie....hey what r u doing with that speer.....ARRRGH!" -Unknown }EW{ Member's Last Words
The seven soldiers stood facing off Vickvire’s men. Vick continued to shake his organs feeling like a pile of fruit cubes within a jelly….wibbling and wobbling….
The leader of the group glanced at Vickvire’s group as if trying to choose which monkey to capture, make his pet and name George. He fixed his gaze on Vickvire.
“No,”
There was a long uncomfortable pause until Vickvire asked,
“What?”
“You’re the ones with the big ideas of starting some new clan eh? You don’t look like much.”
“You think you six can take us on?” Vickvire asked filling will confidence he knew would leak from him like air from some kind of inflatable couch.
“Seven,” The Leader replied.
Vickvire counted heads again and said, “Six,”
The Leader glanced along his ranks and asked,
“Where’s Damn-a-Dang?”
The only soldier standing next to him leaned up to his ear and whispered,
“Remember the time difference, sir?”
“Oh yeah,” The Leader sighed. He gestured down the path that they came along and said, “Damn-a-Dang will be down there somewhere. He’s from Ailartsua, the land of the future. After he came here though he moves really slowly...like those guys in The Matrix. He’ll catch up in about half a day.”
Vickvire glanced down the cobbled path lined with trees and saw a small figure about a kilometre away moving as if he was running away from some kind of explosion in a movie. “You still want to take us on?”
“You bet. I’m Jak,” He said, “This is my clan. Goody, Splarge, Nilok, Weezy (he’s not a relative of the seven Dwarves), and Nick. Is the arena free?”
“As free as my schedule!” Vickvire replied and stood aside gesturing Jak’s crew through the gate.
Jak nodded and said, “Goody stay here and tell Damn-a-Dang. Everyone else, let’s roll.”
One of Jak’s men, a taller one with dark hair nodded and stayed outside as the others walked into the arena.
Goody looked at the figure in the distance. He was barely moving.
“Come on…..” Goody whispered to himself.
He stood watching for almost five minutes waiting.
“Stuff this, I’m getting lunch,”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
At the same time in the arena, the Erotic Wookies were not faring well. They were doing two on two match duels, so far the score was 4:2 in Jak’s favour.
The next match came up. It was Vick and Strange taking on Jak and Colin. They didn’t stand a chance and Vick knew it. But for some reason fate decided to hold off his arse crunching until another day.
Goody ran in shouting, “They got Damn-a-Dang!”
“Who did?” Jak asked as his crew gathered around Goody. Vick similarly gathered his and walked over to hear the reply.
“I don’t know. He saw them coming and tried to run but they managed to catch up by walking at a snail’s pace. They stabbed a pike through his chest, laughed, and then ran back into the woods! I didn’t run out there; I knew he’d be dead before I got there.”
“Actually with the time difference he’s gonna be in excruciating pain for about a day before he dies,” Splarge added. Everyone in the room stood silent for a moment and flinched in unison.
“Where was he when these people attacked?” Vick asked having a suspicion of what happened right of the mark.
“About a foot away from where he was when we talked,” Goody replied after thinking for a moment.
“He was in ~STICK~ territory. It must’ve been them,” Vick said.
“Who are these ~STICKS~?” Asked Jak.
“Our arch nemeses: the anti-Erotic Wookies. They should be called the Unsexy Ewoks!”
“Where are they?” Jak asked.
“I don’t know. But there’s no doubt that they’re too cowardly to show their faces. They’re probably hiding in the woods pleased that they could kill some slow Ailartsuaian.”
Just then a bust of trumpet notes rang out and a mass group of voices sung…..
"STICK commandos forever, STICK commandos are the best,
Honourable and noble we are, righteous and incorruptible,
Stab in the chest with a larger pike a dump the bodies of the rest,
Not only that but ain’t we just so cute and ado-ra-ble
Ohhh Ohhhhh Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
You gotta love us! We rock and sing with the skill of a non gamer! (Non gamer)
You want to be our friend, not annoy us and be our foe
Without STICK Commandos we think the world would be a lot lamer! (Lot lamer)
Without us you’d wanna stab yourself through the toe!
Whooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo
Whooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo
Da da doo doo da do da doo dad a da doo dooooo
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh STICK COMMANDOS! STICK COMMANDOS!"
“Wow…..if there’s a God, He loves irony,” Vick said as Jak’s crew ran out and saw the fanfare as the STICK troops marched in. All were dressed in their formal uniform with a half dozen musicians at the rear. The uniform looked good, worn by the masses of them, a dark grey uniform with matching hat along with the patented ~STICK~ Command Stick, one of the most feared weapons in the multiverse.
They lowered their instruments and the ~SITCKS~ caught their breath as their leader asked, “Well I think k'hat the song went well, didn’t it h'gang?”
“I have to say that it’s better without the half hour guitar, drum and bass solos all done by your sir,” said one brave member.
“Really? I thought we lost a lot with them…” Said the taller, bumpkinish, one.
“That’s Ickity Ick. ~STICK~ Commando’s leader.” Strange whispered to Jak.
They watched in silence as the commandos slowly walked into the German Wheat Lounge. Jak looked over the Vick and said,
“You hate those guys don’t you?”
“Well…..nothing that couldn’t be worked out over a cup of Juri Juice, but I’m happy to kill them anyway.”
“Good. We’re going in. Are the {Erotic Wookies} in or out?”
“Do Wookies get bald?” Vick shouted bravely.
“Do they?” Jak asked.
“I honestly don’t know, but now I’m gonna be up all night wondering.”
They all stared into space for a moment. Then they all sighed knowing how little sleep they were going to get as they walked forward into the bar to face their destiny.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ickity-Ick was sitting at a table along with his Lieutenants discussing some serious business.
“Are the new uniforms ordered? You know how much I loved them!”
“Yes sir….” One of them replied drearily.
“Oh splendid,”
“Sir….” one of them started as Jak’s crew and the Wookies walked in and headed directly towards their table. All thoughts of embroidery and décor fell from his mind. He knew when something was going to lead to a fight.
Jak didn’t waste time - he swept everything off Ickity Ick’s table and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. Then one of the most clichéd things in history happened.
Bar fight!
A ~STICK~ leapt at Jak but was intercepted by a chair thrown by Weezy. The two lieutenants were tackled by Nick and Goody in a second. Two ~STICKS~ ran towards Vick. He grabbed a wooden stool and threw it at them yelping in pain:
“Splinter! Splinter! Splinter!”
He then collapsed to the ground a writhing mess.
Strang picked up his slack and punched the other approaching STICK across the jaw flooring him instantly. ShOvEL leapt across the room, swearing, and attempting to catch someone as his dial up moved at it’s usual pace. K.A.L. again flew into a frenzy and he alone smashed three tables. He didn’t touch the STICKs, for he was that confused and angry. He just smashed the tables.
Jak’s competent crew continued the fight almost on even ground with the STICKs despite being outnumbered. However, all the }EW{ were already knocked out.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As the fight continued, Border Ickity-Ick saw that his team wasn't powerful enough to finish off the Erotic Wookies. He threw down some sort of smoke creating device. Just as the device hit the floor and started spreading the smoke, a gust of wind came through a hole in the wall and blew the smoke away.
"Umm... well..." said the stuttering ~STICK~ leader. "Oh yeah, let's h'unleash our secret weapon!"
"Sir, if we unleash it, it won't be secret anymore!" said a private standing behind Border Ickity Ick.
"You're right. Weel just h'unleash h'it h'anyways."
Very soon, a huge cyclops burst through a back wall and roared, making Vickvire fall back down just as he got up from the pain of removing the splinters.
"Ha! The }Erotic Wookies{ are just a club!" screamed Border Ickity Ick.
"We are not a club! We are a clan!" yelled Vickvire, who finally got to his feet, sucking on his thumb soon after.
"Yes you are." retorted Border Ickity Ick.
"No we aren't." said Vickvire.
"Yes you are."
"No we're not."
"Yes you are."
"No we aren't."
This went on for about ten minutes with everyone, from both sides, staring at them in complete silence. Even the cyclops was dumbfounded.
"Hey, isn't that Innpantry?" said rangeR. (rangeR was one of the }EW{ that Jak had brought.)
Vickvire looked at the cyclops and was astonished. It was indeed Innpantry! This time around he had a scar across his eye and he had some sort of weapon with a quiver on his back. He breathed heavily and he seemed to have lost all ability to speak, since he didn't even roar when he burst in.
Just as Vickvire was about to turn around to face Border Ickity-Ick again, a gunshot was heard and Vickvire felt a brush of air fly past is neck. A loud groan, followed by a tremendous thump, came soon after. Vickvire looked and saw Innpantry lying on the ground with a spear wound to his head, apparently lethal.
"Got him," said Sloughfoxy with a smirk. Vickvire turned to Sloughfoxy and stared at him.
"What? He was an enemy!" pleaded Sloughfoxy. "Don't put me in the dress again. Please!"
Vickvire continued to stare at Sloughfoxy, then began to speak. "That was... a great shot!" yelled Vickvire. "Amazing! Right between the eyes!"
"You... you're not mad? I just killed your friend." said Sloughfoxy, trying to get over his shock.
"I didn't really like him anyway," grinned Vickvire. "He was boring, stupid, and really slow. His voice sound really awkward for something that looks like that. Plus, his mom steals pens for a living. Probably a reason why he's so messed up."
Everyone had a quick laugh for no apparent reason. The STICK Commandos found it as the funniest thing ever and literally started to rofl. Vickvire motioned for his team to leave the bar and headed for the door.
"But this is our chance to strike! They're helpless!" yelled Jak, struggling to get free of K.A.L.'s iron pinkies.
"Don't worry Jak. I've set up a time bomb prior to our arrivial. It's set to explode 10 minutes from now." said Vickvire proudly.
"So you could of set it off while they were in here and we could have avoided all this?" said Jak with blatant anger in his voice.
"I could have, but it has to be voice activated and I don't have a teamspeak device. My mom says it'll slow me down so she didn't let me get it." explained Vickvire.
"But you're a grown man!" screamed Jak. "You can't honestly say your mom controls everything you buy!
Vickvire sat there with a blank look on his face. Another sad truth is that Vickvire's mom indeed does control everything he buys. Once outside of the bar, Vickvire's band of warriors ran to cover and watched the bar blow into oblivian. They started to celebrate and cheer. "Juri Juice for everyone!" they yelled. Vickvire had finally destroyed the ~STICK~ Commandos and killed Border Ickity-Ick... or so they thought. To the far right of them stood the ~STICKS~, guns ready and aimed right at Vickvire's group.
"Ummm, thou shouldst run!" shouted Vickvire, slipping back into his royal tounge. With beer and spitballs flying past them, the group ran for their lives. Vickvire was ahead of the group and suddenly disapeared. Once the group caught up, they saw a massive badger's hole. With no other option, they jumped in and fell...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Epilouge
At least they were out of the hole. However, Vickvire had to agree to merge }EW{ with the ~STICK~ Commandos to earn their freedom. Border had whole-heartedly agreed and was now giving them a brief introduction to "real clan life".
Border started. "Weel, folks, I w'hant to introduce h'everyone to h'everyone h'else. I'm Border Ickity-Ick, and I founded this here clan back in 1967. I've been the leader of h'it since then. Well there h'aint much to say, 'cept that h'its a good clan and that you'll gain a lot of prestige and honor being in this clan. You know that prestige and honor is some of the best stuff in the wharld? h'it is."
"Fox." The British-sounding ~STICK~ raised his hand.
"Y'hes, Fox?" Border said with a voice that would've have charmed newly-born rats out of their nests.
"Permission to use the restroo-?"
"Permission denied." Border cut in crossly and continued his speech. "Now wher whuz h'I. h'O yes. Folks, I think that we should have more practices. Seven three-hour practices just won't cut the-"
"Fox." Said Fox again, trying to get the attention of the Grand Lord.
"Dangity-Gosh Fox! What the heel do you want now!?!?"
"Sir! I think that Dork Imaginary is dead!"
"What the heel!?!?"
Sure enough, Dork Imagery was dead.
Rodgay, who was a doctor, examined the body. After about 5 minutes, (in which Border had struck up his speach again), Rodgay spoke.
"Sir! This lady has died of boredom!"
Border looked unconcerned. "I don't care whut she died of, we have to get this dangity-darned meeting h'over with! Now where were we...ah yes...practice times..."
Boredom swept over the group like plagues in Biblical times. It started to rain, but Border went on and on and on and on. Desperation started to settle among the }EW{. Lange was over in a corner, cutting himself. Tex was saying something about "all or nothing" while he suffocated himself by plugging his ears and holding his breath. Shadow was cramming pie down his throat as fast as he could, and he soon collapsed. Vickvire's worm came out of his stomach, causing instant death. Damn-a-Dang lagged so much that his limbs came apart, and Goodman ate a Socrates book. K.A.L. stuck himself with a wooden spatula and gasped, "I hope this pleases you, Lord Colbert." Piper clutched his side. Pangs of boredom flashed through his body. It was over. The damage had been dealt. His eyes fluttered briefly and then his pulse went dead. Eventually, it was just Border talking to himself.
"h'and boys, that's why we always update our Spie-Ware. Any questions? Good." He continued on, utterly oblivious to the hundreds of dead bodies around him.
Epilouge's epilouge
The old man looked up and re-adjusted his spectacles. He looked at his grandchildren - they were both sleeping peacefully. He whispered quietly, "Yes children, and that's the tale of our great-great-great-great grandfather, Piper the Peon.
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The End
