Post by Badger on Aug 22, 2007 11:47:12 GMT -5
The Adventures of Piper the Peon
Written by: Wickwire, Badger, Jamatang
Edited by: Goodman
Chapter i - The Duke
“{EW} is like a toilet. Every couple of months we flush our crap out.” – K.A.L.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Wind and snow. Nothing is seen beneath the blanket of Mother Nature's most feared elements. Trees whip around like broken wheat and dark clouds surround the wood threateningly. Is there any safety? Is there any shelter from this barrage of nature? Is there an-.......wait.......what's that? A small hut? A place of refuge from this catastrophic and molevolent storm? The wind catches the door of the medieval-looking hut and slams it open. An old man quickly gets up and the closes the door hastily. He gathers a heavy, wooden bar and connects it to lock the entrance. Inside the warm house, the old grandpa sits back down in his wobbly rocking chair, cuddling two younger children - a girl and a boy. He picks up a small baby in his arms as the small fire crackles forth a comfortable amount of heat. He's missing some teeth, but his voice still reverberates with the power of a charismatic preacher.
"Sally? Are you awake?" The old man says loudly.
The little girl lifts her head slowly and says in a childish voice, "I was until woo woke me up."
The man laughs heartily and wakes the little boy, Colin. "Children," he says, "I have a story to tell. It's a dramatic and thrilling true story about a distant relative of yours...Piper the Peon..."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Piper the Peon was just an ordinary peon. In all truthfulness, there has never been an important peon. And for his being an ordinary peon, Piper was never allowed to have any royalties such as a house. Yes, Piper the Peon was a nomad. Nevertheless, there have been many important peon nomads in the history of the world. Most recognizable is the Biblical Abraham, whom most consider a great leader. Shockingly enough, Abraham was in fact, a peon.
Such begins our tale. An ordinary man, in an ordinary land, in an ordinary world - but with an un-ordinary talent...Piper the Peon was able to see the future. No, no, not merely seeing the future, but feeling the future. A premonition some would call it, but others would call it a god-send. Many a fellow peon was now able to foresee when he/it was about to get sold out by the local authorities thanks to Piper the Peon. Obviously, the dukes and lords of the land were never able to subdue Piper due to the fact that he could sense something was wrong before they came to arrest him.
In fact, Piper was such a hindrance to the Kingdom, that he drew the attention of the King himself. The duke, Vickvire, and his loyal steed were applied to the unique task of putting this "Bad dude" (as the King most eloquently put it) into the penal institution (no, no, that's not a naughty word. Get your mind out of the gutter, sir!). The duke and his steed hastened to leave the castle, taking only what they needed. Comforts, toiletries, and provisions were kept to a bitter low. (Unfortunately, the cook only had mashed corn for the meal that day, so the duke was stuck with 15 pounds of wet mush for the trip). With a shortened version of "God save the King", the local priest named Spitliar, sent Vickvire and his steed in the direction of Peon Paradise; the peon's main village where Piper was last sighted.
Before you could say, "Sir! Your helmet is on backwards," they were off!
The duke wore a very impressive battle suit, complete with a coronation that his wife, Mrs. Kay-tea gave him. His steed, on the other gauntlet, was less of an eye-candy. You see, his steed was not the most well-groomed creature on Mother Nature's good planet, partly because of duke Vickvire's negligence and partly because of his steed's unfortunate lack of hair. After riding through wilderness and wood, the duke suddenly saw a very pretty damsel straight ahead and, not knowing whether to jump off the horse or merely shoot it in the head, shouted "Stop!" in his most manly voice. Knowing that his master was sometimes abusive, the horse came to a grinding halt. Aye! And such a grinding halt it was!
...such a grinding halt that it threw the duke Vickvire from the seat of his horse straight into a pile of mud! Vickvire moaned at the stupidity of his horse. "I'll save you for the butcher," he whispered vehemently. He straightened up, took off his helmet and viewed the attractive damsel. She had dirty blonde hair, generous curves, and sharp blue eyes.
Now, let’s take the damsel's point of view. A horse, galloping like a Budweiser Clydesdale on steroids, suddenly throws a skinny man dressed in a shiny suit ten feet into the air, where he quickly descends into a pit of muck. The man then takes off his helmet, bows, (as the mud slowly rolls down his face) and offers her a ride on his "noble steed". Naturally, she has a right to scream and slay him with a quick upper-cut to the chin.
But she doesn't.
Instead, she just runs away with her hands up in the air, screaming bloody murder and shouting something that sounds like, "It's the Hunch-Back of Notre Dame come back to life!" Our friend, the duke Vickvire, stood still, rooted to the ground. He glanced back at his steed and shook his head arrogantly, saying, "It must be the horse..."
The fearless and intrepid Vickvire continued on, dodging killer flies and evil moles throughout his journey. He slayed all; sparing nothing. He was swiping a branch that was in his way, when he suddenly heard a husky voice saying urgently, "Please sir, don't kill me." Vickvire looked up in the sky, Vickvire looked up at the trees, and then Vickvire looked at the road - there was a peasant standing there!
"Halt-who-goes-there!" Said Vickvire, trying to sound official. The middle-aged peasant bowed before him and said plainly, "Just a humble server of my lord the King, sir."
"Good," said Vickvire "It's good to know some of our peons respect the king. Perchance, little peon, would you care for a ride? I know my noble steed would be glad to help out." Here he eyed his horse angrily.
"That would be most appreciative, my lord." Said the peasant. "I'm headed toward Peon Paradise." Vickvire gasped aloud, his breath spewing out of his helmet. "That's where I'm headed to!"
The peasant looked happy, "What a coincidence, my lord. Fate has chosen you to be my guide." Vickvire smiled and puffed out his skinny and deflated chest, (which couldn't be seen through the armor anyways) and replied, "Yes, it looks like it has."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Vickvire seated the peon on the haunch of the horse, and started trotting along steadily. He couldn't think of what to converse with a human; he had never been in this situation before. So he started off with the weather, which sounded a little lame when he said it, due to the fact that they were in the same area. But the peon didn't seem to mind, so the duke tried a different tactic.
"What's your name, peon?"
The peon answered, seeming a little cautious, "My name is Piper." The duke nodded understandingly, "Yes," he said, "I once had an aunt that was named Piper. She is deceased now." He added quietly.
"That's too bad," the peon said sympathetically. The duke thought for a second and then turned around, facing the peon. "Yes, it was very unfortunate, for she was the best croquette player in the fami-"
'Unfortunate' was the right word for the duke to use at the moment, for as he was speaking to the peon, the horse had unknowingly plowed straight into a solid stone wall. The duke was dramatically thrown off the side. He narrowly missed a pile of dung and instead fell into a large pile of brambles and thorns. Vickvire cursed for a moment and sat with his legs out, picking the small thorns that had pierced his cheap, plastic armor. The peon got down and helped him with the larger ones.
"Another suit completely down the drain because of that idiot horse of mine!" His neighbor neighed and started browsing the selection of greens around them. "What the friar did we hit anyways!?" The duke stared at the peon, as if expecting an answer. But the peon was not listening, instead he was looking up and forward. The duke started to get angry and demanded that Piper answer him.
"Piper, if you don't answer me this very second, I'll put you into the penal institution! Do you hear me! I'll arrest...I'll arrest...I'll arrest..." The duke followed the peon's gaze - straight toward a large, mace wielding cyclops that had just burst from behind the brick wall!
"I'll be damseled!" Vickvire said, "It's the first sighting of a cyclops I've seen this year!" Seconds later, the large mace came crashing down, two feet away from the duke's whiskers.
He whispered in fear, "Great Mother of MoJo!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The duke, never being the man to run from danger, closed his eyes and wept bitterly at the doom that was set before him. Five slow minutes passed. A bead of sweat fell from the duke's important forehead. Why was the cyclops waiting? What devilry was it preparing? Vickvire chanced a quick glance in the direction of the beast - and what he saw, shocked him down to the core of his being.
There, in front of him, were the cyclops and Piper...sitting down for tea! Relief flooded over the now weak-legged duke. "Who are you?" Vickvire shakily asked the cyclops. The one-eyed cyclops answered wearily. "My name is Innapantry, and never will you meet a more luckless or discouraged cyclops as I. I used to be very happy and talkative when I lived in my hometown, Toilet, with my friend Mandy, but now I just sit and wait for a random passerby to scare. I'm sorry if I scared you, but I didn't really mean it! I was...just...*hick*...trying to have some *sob* fun." (Here, the cyclops shed one big tear from his ugly eye).
Now that the danger was passed, Vickvire reared to his full height and deepened his voice. "I just didn't want to scare you, Mr. Innapantry. But I do have a question...why are you in this Kingdom instead of the land of your forefathers? If you plan to stay here for more than ten days you will have to pay the king monthly taxes." Innapantry became very angry when his home-land was mentioned. "It was all the fault of those dirty...those dirty...those dirty..." (Here, the cyclops seemed to fall asleep, but after a hearty shove from the duke, he awakened and continued) "Those dirty ~Stick~ Commandos!" The cyclops said with a force that nearly knocked the duke off his rear. Vickvire was still shaken when he tried to pry information from the cyclops. "Dost thou be telling me that these ~Stick~ Commandos are the same ~Stick~ Commandos that broke off from the famed group Jay-Kay?"
The cyclops nodded grimly, "Aye, these be the same evil peoples. Their leader, the feared Border Ickity Ick is striking down peons and beasts with his boring meetings and speeches everywhere. But that's not the extent of the damage he plans create...he plans on boring all of the King's Kingdom to death!"
Vickvire shook his head grimly. "These idiotic antagonists get bolder each year." He suddenly pounded his fist into the ground after a moment's consideration and said very fancily. "I vill crush dees terrrrible ~Stick~ Commandos in der hammocks!"
The cyclops gazed in admiration at the stupid duke. "Sir, I will follow you to the death."
A glorious song pounded into the duke's brain...this was what he was created for......war!
At that moment a flash of lightning tumbled down only ten feet away from the motley group of humans and the cyclops. It just so happened that Vickvire's horse was about ten feet away from the group. Rain started pattering down, and Vickvire hung his head, letting his black hair fall dramatically, not knowing that his horse was now a smoked piece of bar-b-que.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As the three people took shelter under a tree eating the food that the lightning had just provided, Vickvire began his story with much enthusiasm.
"I was born in the Kingdom of the King when I was little. My father had died five years before I was born, but my mother still lived. I worked my way up in the social ladder and soon became the King's duke. I was put into the service of The Hole. The King just recently sent me on a mission to find a rebelling peon named Piper the Peon that was seen last in Peon Paradise."
Innapantry and Piper quietly sat listening, but Piper raised an eyebrow when this was said. "Piper! Get up!" Vickvire said urgently. Piper got up and acknowledged him and stood at a weak attention, cringing, as if expecting a blow. Piper was nervous.
"Where do you think an evil peon like Piper the Peon would stay?"
Relief flooded through Piper and he did not hesitate in answering, "The ~Stick~ Commando's camp." A twist of fear ripped through Vickvire's small chest. But always the one to be official, Vickvire stood up and put on his helmet, staring toward the dimming horizon and croaked, "We ride."
Suddenly, Vickvire realized that they had just eaten his transportation. He regretted all the curses and bad-mouthing he had given and swore he would never be cruel to another creature. But grief did not last long for Vickvire, and he immediately came up with a solution.
"Innapantry!" He screamed and drew his sword.
Innapantry stood up drowsily. "Yes sir?"
"Pick me and Piper up and put us on your shoulders. We're going to the ~Stick~ Commando's camp. I have a strange feeling that Piper the Peon is hiding there, protected by the evil Border Ickity Ick."
"How will be able to fight against such a monster? He can make anyone fall asleep with his boring speeches. How can us resist him?" Innapantry replied wearily, as if acting in a lame play.
Vickvire nodded, "I thought of a plan for that, too."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The brave trio journeyed far and wide for the ~Stick~ Commando's camp. They asked other peasants on the road where they might be. They received varying reports; some said they were in the North, some said they were in the South, some said they had disbanded, and some said they had never existed.
This discouraged Vickvire immensely, so he decided to take a break in a nearby forest and eat. Piper agreed heartily, and Innapantry said, "I couldn't care less, I’m used to living in a Toiled anyways." As they ate the moldy mush-corn, they talked a little more about their lives. Innapantry started with a seemingly random comment. "My mother had a living of stealing pens from her co-workers in the Cyclops' Caves where they produce jam and honey."
Vickvire interrupted, "I thought bees regurgitated to make honey."
"That's a common misconception," replied Innapantry, "In reality, it’s actually Cyclops dung." Piper turned a slight shade of green and Vickvire mimicked getting sick. "Your family is disgusting, Innapantry."
"She later tried singing at some of the taverns, but they rejected her...she has a slightly un-appetizing voice. *cough* Among other things…" Innapantry finished. Vickvire nodded and sat for a moment, staring at an ant that had crawled up onto his mush. He flicked it off; it had already died. Unconcerned, Vickvire continued musing.
"What about you, Piper, what was-."
Piper motioned for immediate silence. He whispered and got up slowly. "Follow me."
A boring voice floated on the air. It spoke of the rewards of winning, and the consequences of losing. It spoke of the new rules that were implemented last week. It spoke of etceteras. It spoke of nothing. It spoke of boredom.
Border Ickity-Ick.
Written by: Wickwire, Badger, Jamatang
Edited by: Goodman
Chapter i - The Duke
“{EW} is like a toilet. Every couple of months we flush our crap out.” – K.A.L.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Wind and snow. Nothing is seen beneath the blanket of Mother Nature's most feared elements. Trees whip around like broken wheat and dark clouds surround the wood threateningly. Is there any safety? Is there any shelter from this barrage of nature? Is there an-.......wait.......what's that? A small hut? A place of refuge from this catastrophic and molevolent storm? The wind catches the door of the medieval-looking hut and slams it open. An old man quickly gets up and the closes the door hastily. He gathers a heavy, wooden bar and connects it to lock the entrance. Inside the warm house, the old grandpa sits back down in his wobbly rocking chair, cuddling two younger children - a girl and a boy. He picks up a small baby in his arms as the small fire crackles forth a comfortable amount of heat. He's missing some teeth, but his voice still reverberates with the power of a charismatic preacher.
"Sally? Are you awake?" The old man says loudly.
The little girl lifts her head slowly and says in a childish voice, "I was until woo woke me up."
The man laughs heartily and wakes the little boy, Colin. "Children," he says, "I have a story to tell. It's a dramatic and thrilling true story about a distant relative of yours...Piper the Peon..."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Piper the Peon was just an ordinary peon. In all truthfulness, there has never been an important peon. And for his being an ordinary peon, Piper was never allowed to have any royalties such as a house. Yes, Piper the Peon was a nomad. Nevertheless, there have been many important peon nomads in the history of the world. Most recognizable is the Biblical Abraham, whom most consider a great leader. Shockingly enough, Abraham was in fact, a peon.
Such begins our tale. An ordinary man, in an ordinary land, in an ordinary world - but with an un-ordinary talent...Piper the Peon was able to see the future. No, no, not merely seeing the future, but feeling the future. A premonition some would call it, but others would call it a god-send. Many a fellow peon was now able to foresee when he/it was about to get sold out by the local authorities thanks to Piper the Peon. Obviously, the dukes and lords of the land were never able to subdue Piper due to the fact that he could sense something was wrong before they came to arrest him.
In fact, Piper was such a hindrance to the Kingdom, that he drew the attention of the King himself. The duke, Vickvire, and his loyal steed were applied to the unique task of putting this "Bad dude" (as the King most eloquently put it) into the penal institution (no, no, that's not a naughty word. Get your mind out of the gutter, sir!). The duke and his steed hastened to leave the castle, taking only what they needed. Comforts, toiletries, and provisions were kept to a bitter low. (Unfortunately, the cook only had mashed corn for the meal that day, so the duke was stuck with 15 pounds of wet mush for the trip). With a shortened version of "God save the King", the local priest named Spitliar, sent Vickvire and his steed in the direction of Peon Paradise; the peon's main village where Piper was last sighted.
Before you could say, "Sir! Your helmet is on backwards," they were off!
The duke wore a very impressive battle suit, complete with a coronation that his wife, Mrs. Kay-tea gave him. His steed, on the other gauntlet, was less of an eye-candy. You see, his steed was not the most well-groomed creature on Mother Nature's good planet, partly because of duke Vickvire's negligence and partly because of his steed's unfortunate lack of hair. After riding through wilderness and wood, the duke suddenly saw a very pretty damsel straight ahead and, not knowing whether to jump off the horse or merely shoot it in the head, shouted "Stop!" in his most manly voice. Knowing that his master was sometimes abusive, the horse came to a grinding halt. Aye! And such a grinding halt it was!
...such a grinding halt that it threw the duke Vickvire from the seat of his horse straight into a pile of mud! Vickvire moaned at the stupidity of his horse. "I'll save you for the butcher," he whispered vehemently. He straightened up, took off his helmet and viewed the attractive damsel. She had dirty blonde hair, generous curves, and sharp blue eyes.
Now, let’s take the damsel's point of view. A horse, galloping like a Budweiser Clydesdale on steroids, suddenly throws a skinny man dressed in a shiny suit ten feet into the air, where he quickly descends into a pit of muck. The man then takes off his helmet, bows, (as the mud slowly rolls down his face) and offers her a ride on his "noble steed". Naturally, she has a right to scream and slay him with a quick upper-cut to the chin.
But she doesn't.
Instead, she just runs away with her hands up in the air, screaming bloody murder and shouting something that sounds like, "It's the Hunch-Back of Notre Dame come back to life!" Our friend, the duke Vickvire, stood still, rooted to the ground. He glanced back at his steed and shook his head arrogantly, saying, "It must be the horse..."
The fearless and intrepid Vickvire continued on, dodging killer flies and evil moles throughout his journey. He slayed all; sparing nothing. He was swiping a branch that was in his way, when he suddenly heard a husky voice saying urgently, "Please sir, don't kill me." Vickvire looked up in the sky, Vickvire looked up at the trees, and then Vickvire looked at the road - there was a peasant standing there!
"Halt-who-goes-there!" Said Vickvire, trying to sound official. The middle-aged peasant bowed before him and said plainly, "Just a humble server of my lord the King, sir."
"Good," said Vickvire "It's good to know some of our peons respect the king. Perchance, little peon, would you care for a ride? I know my noble steed would be glad to help out." Here he eyed his horse angrily.
"That would be most appreciative, my lord." Said the peasant. "I'm headed toward Peon Paradise." Vickvire gasped aloud, his breath spewing out of his helmet. "That's where I'm headed to!"
The peasant looked happy, "What a coincidence, my lord. Fate has chosen you to be my guide." Vickvire smiled and puffed out his skinny and deflated chest, (which couldn't be seen through the armor anyways) and replied, "Yes, it looks like it has."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Vickvire seated the peon on the haunch of the horse, and started trotting along steadily. He couldn't think of what to converse with a human; he had never been in this situation before. So he started off with the weather, which sounded a little lame when he said it, due to the fact that they were in the same area. But the peon didn't seem to mind, so the duke tried a different tactic.
"What's your name, peon?"
The peon answered, seeming a little cautious, "My name is Piper." The duke nodded understandingly, "Yes," he said, "I once had an aunt that was named Piper. She is deceased now." He added quietly.
"That's too bad," the peon said sympathetically. The duke thought for a second and then turned around, facing the peon. "Yes, it was very unfortunate, for she was the best croquette player in the fami-"
'Unfortunate' was the right word for the duke to use at the moment, for as he was speaking to the peon, the horse had unknowingly plowed straight into a solid stone wall. The duke was dramatically thrown off the side. He narrowly missed a pile of dung and instead fell into a large pile of brambles and thorns. Vickvire cursed for a moment and sat with his legs out, picking the small thorns that had pierced his cheap, plastic armor. The peon got down and helped him with the larger ones.
"Another suit completely down the drain because of that idiot horse of mine!" His neighbor neighed and started browsing the selection of greens around them. "What the friar did we hit anyways!?" The duke stared at the peon, as if expecting an answer. But the peon was not listening, instead he was looking up and forward. The duke started to get angry and demanded that Piper answer him.
"Piper, if you don't answer me this very second, I'll put you into the penal institution! Do you hear me! I'll arrest...I'll arrest...I'll arrest..." The duke followed the peon's gaze - straight toward a large, mace wielding cyclops that had just burst from behind the brick wall!
"I'll be damseled!" Vickvire said, "It's the first sighting of a cyclops I've seen this year!" Seconds later, the large mace came crashing down, two feet away from the duke's whiskers.
He whispered in fear, "Great Mother of MoJo!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The duke, never being the man to run from danger, closed his eyes and wept bitterly at the doom that was set before him. Five slow minutes passed. A bead of sweat fell from the duke's important forehead. Why was the cyclops waiting? What devilry was it preparing? Vickvire chanced a quick glance in the direction of the beast - and what he saw, shocked him down to the core of his being.
There, in front of him, were the cyclops and Piper...sitting down for tea! Relief flooded over the now weak-legged duke. "Who are you?" Vickvire shakily asked the cyclops. The one-eyed cyclops answered wearily. "My name is Innapantry, and never will you meet a more luckless or discouraged cyclops as I. I used to be very happy and talkative when I lived in my hometown, Toilet, with my friend Mandy, but now I just sit and wait for a random passerby to scare. I'm sorry if I scared you, but I didn't really mean it! I was...just...*hick*...trying to have some *sob* fun." (Here, the cyclops shed one big tear from his ugly eye).
Now that the danger was passed, Vickvire reared to his full height and deepened his voice. "I just didn't want to scare you, Mr. Innapantry. But I do have a question...why are you in this Kingdom instead of the land of your forefathers? If you plan to stay here for more than ten days you will have to pay the king monthly taxes." Innapantry became very angry when his home-land was mentioned. "It was all the fault of those dirty...those dirty...those dirty..." (Here, the cyclops seemed to fall asleep, but after a hearty shove from the duke, he awakened and continued) "Those dirty ~Stick~ Commandos!" The cyclops said with a force that nearly knocked the duke off his rear. Vickvire was still shaken when he tried to pry information from the cyclops. "Dost thou be telling me that these ~Stick~ Commandos are the same ~Stick~ Commandos that broke off from the famed group Jay-Kay?"
The cyclops nodded grimly, "Aye, these be the same evil peoples. Their leader, the feared Border Ickity Ick is striking down peons and beasts with his boring meetings and speeches everywhere. But that's not the extent of the damage he plans create...he plans on boring all of the King's Kingdom to death!"
Vickvire shook his head grimly. "These idiotic antagonists get bolder each year." He suddenly pounded his fist into the ground after a moment's consideration and said very fancily. "I vill crush dees terrrrible ~Stick~ Commandos in der hammocks!"
The cyclops gazed in admiration at the stupid duke. "Sir, I will follow you to the death."
A glorious song pounded into the duke's brain...this was what he was created for......war!
At that moment a flash of lightning tumbled down only ten feet away from the motley group of humans and the cyclops. It just so happened that Vickvire's horse was about ten feet away from the group. Rain started pattering down, and Vickvire hung his head, letting his black hair fall dramatically, not knowing that his horse was now a smoked piece of bar-b-que.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As the three people took shelter under a tree eating the food that the lightning had just provided, Vickvire began his story with much enthusiasm.
"I was born in the Kingdom of the King when I was little. My father had died five years before I was born, but my mother still lived. I worked my way up in the social ladder and soon became the King's duke. I was put into the service of The Hole. The King just recently sent me on a mission to find a rebelling peon named Piper the Peon that was seen last in Peon Paradise."
Innapantry and Piper quietly sat listening, but Piper raised an eyebrow when this was said. "Piper! Get up!" Vickvire said urgently. Piper got up and acknowledged him and stood at a weak attention, cringing, as if expecting a blow. Piper was nervous.
"Where do you think an evil peon like Piper the Peon would stay?"
Relief flooded through Piper and he did not hesitate in answering, "The ~Stick~ Commando's camp." A twist of fear ripped through Vickvire's small chest. But always the one to be official, Vickvire stood up and put on his helmet, staring toward the dimming horizon and croaked, "We ride."
Suddenly, Vickvire realized that they had just eaten his transportation. He regretted all the curses and bad-mouthing he had given and swore he would never be cruel to another creature. But grief did not last long for Vickvire, and he immediately came up with a solution.
"Innapantry!" He screamed and drew his sword.
Innapantry stood up drowsily. "Yes sir?"
"Pick me and Piper up and put us on your shoulders. We're going to the ~Stick~ Commando's camp. I have a strange feeling that Piper the Peon is hiding there, protected by the evil Border Ickity Ick."
"How will be able to fight against such a monster? He can make anyone fall asleep with his boring speeches. How can us resist him?" Innapantry replied wearily, as if acting in a lame play.
Vickvire nodded, "I thought of a plan for that, too."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The brave trio journeyed far and wide for the ~Stick~ Commando's camp. They asked other peasants on the road where they might be. They received varying reports; some said they were in the North, some said they were in the South, some said they had disbanded, and some said they had never existed.
This discouraged Vickvire immensely, so he decided to take a break in a nearby forest and eat. Piper agreed heartily, and Innapantry said, "I couldn't care less, I’m used to living in a Toiled anyways." As they ate the moldy mush-corn, they talked a little more about their lives. Innapantry started with a seemingly random comment. "My mother had a living of stealing pens from her co-workers in the Cyclops' Caves where they produce jam and honey."
Vickvire interrupted, "I thought bees regurgitated to make honey."
"That's a common misconception," replied Innapantry, "In reality, it’s actually Cyclops dung." Piper turned a slight shade of green and Vickvire mimicked getting sick. "Your family is disgusting, Innapantry."
"She later tried singing at some of the taverns, but they rejected her...she has a slightly un-appetizing voice. *cough* Among other things…" Innapantry finished. Vickvire nodded and sat for a moment, staring at an ant that had crawled up onto his mush. He flicked it off; it had already died. Unconcerned, Vickvire continued musing.
"What about you, Piper, what was-."
Piper motioned for immediate silence. He whispered and got up slowly. "Follow me."
A boring voice floated on the air. It spoke of the rewards of winning, and the consequences of losing. It spoke of the new rules that were implemented last week. It spoke of etceteras. It spoke of nothing. It spoke of boredom.
Border Ickity-Ick.
